The entire week was odd, full of random reschedulings and debilitating migraines. (Yay, I need prescription sunglasses!) I felt about as “floaty” as I’ve ever been, drifting through each workday, prepared to be blown off course. Some really good things happened, too personal to share.

I feel like I’ve reached another milestone in my walk away from depression. I’ve started wearing (just a little) makeup again, and am creating more intricate daily (and nightly) beauty routines, to preserve and take care of what I’ve got. I’ve also decided that I don’t feel obligated to wear makeup on a daily basis — if it suits my mood and outfit, I’ll wear it. If I don’t feel like bothering, I won’t. It’s not apathetic this time; I just don’t always feel like taking the time. Some days I’m in a rush, and as I’m finding out, I’m less than adept with an eye pencil. I’d rather go natural one day than poke out my eye with a jot of navy.

I think I’ve been gradually coming to terms with myself in the past few weeks. My self, this person I never really got to know until now. I feel strangely centered, for the first time in who knows how long, and aware of myself, my preferences and my personal style. I’m making accessories to match my new outfits, using materials that suit me (heh, gemstones!) and making decisions that suit best the direction I want my life to take. It’s hard to explain. I feel on track and in control, in a way I’ve never felt before. Before I always felt like I was hanging on for dear life, out of control, always.

It’s hard to get used to. Almost as if I’ve moved into a new body that’s far better suited to my needs… or maybe it’s that a new self has moved into the existing body and is changing it to suit her needs? I feel like a stranger inside, but I like her, she’s pretty cool. Change is difficult but I think we could grow to be great friends, her and I.

(Is this the coffee talking? Phew!)

Randomly, I got the most marvelous rainbow fluorite heishi beads in the mail yesterday; strung as-is they looked just like a candy necklace. I restrung them almost exactly how they were, adding a tiny bit of length, so if you see me running around with a lovely candy necklace round my neck, don’t eat it. (Even Lenneth had to buy her own, heh. ;)