I’ve had an incredibly frustrating morning, and of the six or eight or so tasks I had planned for my trip to Mt. Shasta, I managed to get a coffee and make four color copies. No checks where they were supposed to be, no people where they were supposed to be. Driving from place to place and random client problems occupied my time. I am doing my best to not be depressed as a result of all this, but my frustration is still red-lining and it’s taking me a while to back down.

My life is full of stress, and none of it is leaving until I complete some things. My Valentine’s Day was extremely nice, best one we’ve had in a while, in my estimation. My writing is at a standstill but I’m copying relevant bits of Ruby & Sapphire before I hand it back next week. A lot of things happened, personally, this week, but I’m not quite at a point where I can put it into words. Things got extremely bad, the worst I think they’ve been. They then got better. I’m trying a different and more logical approach.

My weight continues to very slowly decrease, and I’m starting to form a new self-image around the idea of a thin me. (You have to understand that, as long as I’ve been conscious of my weight, figure and looks, I haven’t been in my ideal weight range. I simply can’t remember a time when I looked or felt right.) I would love to be swimsuit-worthy while it’s still warm enough to wear one, which gives me roughly 6-7 months to lose another 40 pounds. Strangely enough, that seems reasonable. Following Lenneth’s advice, I have a celebrity to look at who (we all agree) is built similarly to me, albeit a bit taller, so I can get an idea of what I might look like at the end of this. Gives me something to shoot for.

I feel like I’m starting to improve, I really do. The strain is a killer, but I’m making progress. I just keep praying… and hoping for the best.